Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
