I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize