I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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