she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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