piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
