I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
