R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
