8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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