fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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