Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Everything about him screamed your future.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
