Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize