I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
