just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
