That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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