Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
