I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
