Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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