you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
only if we run a train.
done.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
