how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
