dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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