Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
