oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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