I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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