so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
