I think my fart just growled at me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
