ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
