I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
