i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize