Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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