so explain again why im purple
no
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize