A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
