Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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