Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
