We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
