Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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