drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
