My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
