if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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