so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize