writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
