If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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