You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize