I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
