Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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