He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw a hot homeless man
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He did a backflip because drugs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
