I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
