Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
