Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
