Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
