When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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