well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
