o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
