my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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