Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
