You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
