At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You are a genius and a whore.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
