That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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