there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Blood and glitter go together right?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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