I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
