It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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