I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
