we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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