i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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