I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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